is your mom at the bar?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
