Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
