bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
