Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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