OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
