just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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