I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
