is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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