I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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