So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
