So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sext me about skeletons
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
