Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
