She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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