Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
