You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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