I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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