When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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