...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
should my penis look like a turkey
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm just crazy horny about you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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