Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize