so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
