Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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