i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
