I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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