the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
