And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You are a genius and a whore.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
