exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
