i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
