I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
