guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
