Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
