Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
