I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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