dude i'm inner monologue high
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
