Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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