Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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