did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
