Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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