He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
