i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
one might say we're banned from that church
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
