maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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