So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
