Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
