I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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