Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
