yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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