You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are a genius and a whore.
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