Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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