may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
