I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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