Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
