I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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