no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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