Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
