I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize