She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
