eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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