Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
