and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
