Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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