Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
