If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
