we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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