Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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