I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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