I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize