It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
