I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
