thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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