You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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