Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
