I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
