It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
