I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
