I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
