one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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