My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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