I wish you could order shots online.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
